Claimed by the Sea
I never felt what they felt, watching the waves crash on the rocky shores. Peace they would say. Calm. But I only felt fear. I would close my eyes and listen to the water moving, but it didn’t make me feel safe or at peace. Something is wrong with me I always thought. There had to be. I would watch the children play in the sand, I would listen to the laughter and I would feel a deep sense of dread. It wasn’t right.
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I never understood why no one else felt it. I couldn’t see how people could ignore the feelings. But then maybe they just didn’t know what to feel. My family would say I was being silly, or that I had an active imagination. That’s what they would say when I was a child, now they just look sad. Is that what I do to people? Make them sad because I can’t understand their joy? Maybe. But I knew I wasn’t wrong; I knew that my feelings were right. Who can look at a wide expanse of water, leading to unknown depths and hiding unknown creatures, and feel joy, or glee, or anything but terrified? I wanted to prove it to them, to show them I was right. But then I would see how happy they were, and I knew I couldn’t take that from them. Ignorance is bliss they say. I hoped that’s what I was giving them; bliss. But it wouldn’t last, it couldn’t. All I could do was sit back and let them enjoy what was left of their fun, before it was taken away.
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It came sooner than I thought, but I was ready. they begged, pleaded for me to jump in with them. To try and enjoy myself like they did. I resisted at first, but the more they asked, the more I realised that this was my time. So, I jumped. And the minute my body touched the water, I felt what they did. I felt the peace, I felt the calm wash over me as the water took me in to its cold embrace. My eyes were closed as I drifted to the bottom, but I didn’t care to see. For the first time in my life, I was perfectly happy. You see, it was never the water that scared me. It was never the thought of dangerous creatures or big waves that kept me away. No. What I feared, what I dreaded most of all, was rising to the surface, and taking a deep breath. I knew, that the moment I touched the water, I would never want to come back up. I would not have the strength, or the will, to fight my way to the surface. I would drift to the bottom, and stay there among the sand and the rocks, forever. I knew, that the moment I touched the water, I would be claimed by the sea forever.
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